Since there are a lot of great resources out there on why it is important to make time for s*x in your marriage, I thought I might address the obvious question that busy moms have…how to make time for s*x in your marriage!
Schedule it. I know it doesn’t sound very romantic. It’s not spontaneous. But the thing about scheduling something is that you increase the chance that it will actually happen. Put it into the calendar on your phone or in code up on your home calendar that every Tuesday (or any other day of your choosing), you and your husband will try for some “alone time”.
Take responsibility for it. Yes, there are things your husband could do that would increase the chances that the two of you would be physically intimate (like doing the dishes, complimenting you or giving you a break from parenting duty once in awhile), but you can only control yourself, your actions and your choices. Instead of focusing on what he could be doing, concentrate on what you can do. And then do it!
Change it up. Chances are, by the time bedtime rolls around, you are much too tired to even consider anything but sleep. Also, if you have young children and have been grabbed at and clung to all day long, the last thing you may want is to be touched some more. Setting an alarm for early morning and starting your day off with some physical time with your husband will help energize both of you for the day. I know that when you’re already tired, it’s hard to want to set an alarm and get up even earlier, but if you do, you will start your day off with a time of connection and will likely feel less tired later as a result.
Make it a priority. Your marriage is the most important relationship in your life apart from your relationship with God and it needs to be nurtured and protected. One way to do this is to decide to move your s*x life higher up on the priority list.
Take care of yourself. By practising self-care…drinking enough water, eating well, exercising, being sure to take time to yourself to recharge your batteries, you will be better able to meet the needs of others, including meeting your husband’s needs in the bedroom. Not only will you have more energy, you will also have more confidence and both of those are a good thing!
Think outside the box. If evening in the bedroom is the only thing on your radar, chances are, s*x is not happening often enough in your home. Think outside the box. Take time to talk to your husband and maybe plan out times when the opportunity may be there and then take advantage of those opportunities. Even though I like to limit my kids’ TV time, watching a movie on a Saturday afternoon while mommy and daddy go up to their room to “talk” is not going to kill them! Speaking of which…
Get a lock for the bedroom door. As a wife and mom, there is enough on your mind without also having to worry about your kids walking in at an inopportune moment. Getting a lock on your door will ensure that when you have moments of alone time, you can seize them without worrying about interruptions.
Trade babysitting with a friend or neighbour. This one works especially well if it is a neighbour because you can arrange for your kids to go over and play for an hour while you and your husband have your own playtime at home. Then another day, you can return the favour and watch your neighbour’s kids.
Spend time together. It’s not easy to “get in the mood” when your marriage has been ignored in other areas. Make a real effort to spend time together by dating each other whether it be at-home dates or by going out. I have a printable list of over 60 creative date night ideas, most of which are easy and inexpensive.
Lower your expectations. Not every intimate encounter needs to be candlelit, romantic and drawn out. By increasing the frequency of s*x, your husband will likely feel more loving towards you and those romantic times may even begin to appear with more frequency too.
Appreciate what you have. While this might not seem like an obvious way to make time for s*x, the more attracted you are to your husband, the more you will want to create those moments. The best way to become more attracted to someone is to notice all the little things that you admire and appreciate about them just the way they are right now in this moment, not what you hope they will become. Take a few minutes and write down a list of the qualities that you admire in your husband. Include both physical and personality qualities and then add in the things that he does for you or your family. Begin to see him in a new light and you will find yourself getting creative in order to be intimate with him!
I’ve listed a few books below that may also be of help to you in this area. I especially like Sheila Wray Gregoire’s The Good Girl’s Guide to Great S*x. I found it led to some interesting discussions between my husband and I while I was reading it and also answered some of the questions I had about what was considered okay when it came to sex within marriage from a Christian perspective. An added bonus of reading books on the subject is that you start to think more about it which also increases the chance you will act on those thoughts!
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